Communication is the heart of any relationship, whether it’s with a spouse, family member, friend, or coworker. When we think about improving communication, we often focus on expressing ourselves - finding the right words, speaking our mind, being clear.

But a perhaps even more important half of communication is listening. Truly effective communication is a two-way street, and being a good listener can dramatically enhance your relationships.

It makes others feel valued, understood, and respected, which in turn builds trust and intimacy. Think about a time when you felt really heard by someone - when the person listening wasn’t interrupting or glancing at their phone, but giving you their full attention.

Chances are, that interaction left a positive impression on you. Unfortunately, in our fast-paced, distracted world, good listening is becoming rare.

Studies suggest most of us remember only 25-50% of what we hear in conversation. That means we could be missing half of what our loved ones or colleagues are telling us!

The tips below will help you improve your listening skills, so you can become a better communicator and strengthen your relationships. Be Fully Present and Remove Distractions One of the biggest barriers to effective listening is distraction.

It’s hard to truly hear someone if you’re simultaneously scrolling through your phone, watching TV, or even just mentally replaying your day. To listen well, start by giving the speaker your undivided attention.

Put away or mute your phone. If you’re in front of a computer, pause or minimize any work.

Try to make eye contact and face the person who’s speaking. These signals show that you’re present with them.

Being fully present also means quieting your internal distractions. Try to momentarily set aside your own thoughts, opinions, or what you plan to say next.

Mindfulness can help here

take a breath and focus on the moment and the person in front of you. If you find your mind drifting, gently bring it back to the speaker’s words.

You might be surprised how much more you pick up when you intentionally tune in. If the setting is noisy or you truly can’t focus at the moment, it’s okay to ask for a short pause or to move to a quieter spot.

For instance, “I really want to hear what you have to say. Can we step outside so I can focus11 better?” People generally appreciate the consideration because it shows you want to listen without distractions.

Use Open and Engaged Body Language Listening isn’t just a mental activity; it’s also conveyed through your body language. Open, engaged body language encourages the speaker and shows that you care about what they’re saying.

This means: - Facing the person and leaning in slightly (not slouching back or turning away). - Maintaining eye contact (without staring intensely, just natural eye contact to show attentiveness). - Nodding occasionally to acknowledge points, or saying small verbal cues like “mm-hmm” or “I see” where appropriate. - Keeping your arms uncrossed and posture relaxed, which signals openness. (Crossed arms or legs can unintentionally signal defensiveness or disinterest, even if you don’t feel that way.) Also pay attention to the speaker’s body language. Sometimes what’s not said out loud is important - their facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures provide emotional context.

By staying visually engaged, you’ll pick up on these cues better. Remember, an encouraging smile or a concerned frown at the right time can communicate empathy and keep the speaker feeling understood.

Don’t Interrupt or Rush to Respond

This might seem obvious, but in practice many of us struggle with it: avoid interrupting or finishing the other person’s sentences, even if you think you know what they’re going to say. Let them complete their thoughts.

Cutting someone off can make them feel frustrated or unimportant. It sends a message that your words are more important or that you’re not really interested in theirs.

Similarly, don’t rush to jump in with your response or a story of your own as soon as they pause. There’s a concept called “listening to respond” versus “listening to understand.” If you’re formulating your comeback or advice while the other person is talking, you’re not truly absorbing their message.

Try to focus entirely on what they’re saying; you can take a moment after they finish to gather your thoughts before replying. It can help to silently count to 2 or 3 after the person stops talking, just to ensure they’re finished and to give a small buffer.

This might feel like an eternity if you’re not used to it, but it prevents accidental interruption and also shows you’re considering their words. Many people appreciate a thoughtful response more than an immediate one.

Keep an Open Mind and Avoid Judgment Good listening requires an open mind. That means being willing to hear the other person’s perspective without jumping to conclusions, even if they’re saying something you disagree with or that’s hard to hear.

Try to suspend judgment and criticism while you listen. If you immediately label what someone is saying as “wrong” or “stupid,” you’ll likely miss out on understanding their true message or feelings.

For example, if a friend is upset and saying “I feel like you never support me,” a judgmental reflex might be to get defensive and think “That’s not true, what a ridiculous thing to say.” But open-minded listening would have you pause that internal reaction and instead try to understand why they feel that way. Maybe you’ll discover that from their perspective, there were a few times you inadvertently let them down.

By avoiding knee-jerk judgments, you create space for real communication and problem-solving. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything being said.

It just means you acknowledge the other person’s right to have their perspective, and you strive to understand it fully before responding. Often, people mainly want to feel heard and validated - that in itself can diffuse tension even when viewpoints differ.

Ask Open-Ended Questions and Paraphrase A key part of active listening is clarifying and confirming that you understand correctly. One way to do this is by asking open-ended questions.

These are questions that invite elaboration rather than a simple yes/no. For instance, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think about that?” or “Can you tell me more about…?” Such questions show that you’re interested and encourage the speaker to dive deeper.

Another powerful technique is paraphrasing - summarizing what you heard in your own words and feeding it back. For example, “So, if I got it right, you’re feeling upset because you felt left out of the plans, is that correct?” or “It sounds like the project’s delay is really stressing you out.”

Paraphrasing serves two purposes

it ensures you truly understood them (giving them a chance to correct you if you missed something), and it makes the speaker feel heard and understood. It’s important to do this sincerely and not like a robot.

You don’t have to repeat every single detail, just capture the main points or the essence of what they conveyed. Sometimes paraphrasing emotional content (“You seem really excited about this opportunity!”) is as important as the factual content.

When the person confirms “Yes, exactly,” you both feel more connected in the conversation. Validate Feelings and Respond with Empathy People often come to conversations not just to convey information, but to express feelings.

Validating someone’s feelings means acknowledging them without judgment. Phrases like “I can understand why you’d feel that way,” or “That sounds really tough,” go a long way.

Even if you don’t entirely agree with their reaction, you can empathize with the emotion behind it. For example, if your child is angry they couldn’t go to a party, saying “I know you’re upset and it’s disappointing” validates their feeling, even if your decision stands.

Empathy is about trying to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It’s responding not only to the words but to the emotion.

If a friend is anxious about an upcoming move, an empathetic response might be, “Moving is a big change; I’d be nervous too, but I’m here for you - let’s figure this out.” Sometimes the best response is actually not offering a solution right away, but rather sympathy and understanding. You might be tempted to solve the problem - and sometimes advice is welcome - but often the first thing a person needs is to feel heard and not alone in what they’re experiencing.

In cases where advice or solutions are needed, listening thoroughly first will help you offer more relevant and respectful suggestions. You might even ask, “Do you want my perspective or do you mainly want to vent?

I’m happy to help in whatever way.” This shows respect for their needs in the moment. ## Conclusion Improving your relationships through better listening is incredibly rewarding. As you practice being fully present, using positive body language, avoiding interruptions, keeping an open mind, asking clarifying questions, and showing empathy, you’ll likely notice a change in how people respond to you.

They may open up more, express appreciation for your understanding, or in turn become better listeners with you. Effective communication isn’t about having the perfect words; it’s often about making the other person feel seen and heard.

By giving someone the gift of your attentive listening, you create a safe space for honest dialogue. Misunderstandings get cleared up more easily, conflicts are less heated, and bonds grow stronger.

Be patient with yourself as you develop these skills. It might feel awkward to change habits like interrupting or not really listening while multitasking.

But each conversation is a new chance to practice. Over time, your active listening will become more natural, and you’ll find that people gravitate towards you as someone they trust to truly hear them.

That trust is the foundation of deeper, more fulfilling relationships.